Was it just shine? Or am I burning…
I am struggling to bring myself to take full advantage of this opportunity. Is it the burnout? Am I actually not that interested? Was it just a shiny object that teased me for a few weeks, before life sped up and I moved on?
I don’t know. I do know that I need a break. I need this honeymoon more than anything, and I don’t know how to not just phone it in for the next month. It’s hard to ask for help. Near impossible for me, and I know that’s a big problem. But, I need help.
I think I do want a chance at this job, but I just can’t reach for it. I should be wanting to seize this opportunity by the fucking balls, but I … am not. I think there’s a part of my subconscious that is doing everything it can to keep me going and it knows I just can’t handle the responsibility of a role like that right now.
I want to shut everything out and just run, sometimes.